On blood

Feb. 19th, 2010 12:01 am
cormac: headshot of me, with a subliminal message (Morro Rock)
[personal profile] cormac
They say that blood is thicker than water. I am a walking refutation of this axiom. Those I am closest to, my nearest and dearest friends, share not one drop of blood with me. There are those who took me in and raised me as their own, who love and care for me and call me son, but I am not of their blood either. As I near my bloodline, I find the people in it more distant and unknown. I've spent very little time with my grandmother, only once met two of my aunts and one of my uncles, and have never had a second occasion to break bread with my half-brother. My father has only talked with me for five minutes. My mother has rejected me utterly with spite on her lips. And the one person to whom I am closest in blood, my own brother born of the same woman and sired by the same man, whose face is a mirror of my own, doesn't even know I exist. No, my blood is not thicker than water, and I have no reason to continue its line.

At 5:00 p.m. today, I will be going in for a vasectomy. This has been a wish of mine ever since I learned of the procedure. My experiences with children over the past decade have only strengthened my resolve not to sire one of my own. If, one day in the future, I choose to care for a child, it will be one of my choosing, and I shall love it as I was loved by my parents.

Please don't think of this as a sad thing; it's not. It is instead a celebration of nurture over nature, and of being able to truly choose a family. And despite the fact that my mom's been trying to talk me out of it since high school, it's a celebration of the decision she and dad made when they canceled their trip to Hawaii to pick me up from the agency, and of the power of our bond.

Date: 2010-02-19 02:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] amykb.livejournal.com
My older daughter was raised by her stepfather, and her relationship with him is so much deeper and so much more than it is with her biological father. Her biological father chose not to be a part of her life although he has reached out a bit in the last couple years since his other children have forced him. She allows it, but that is about it. She has thanked me repeatedly for divorcing him and marrying her Dad. So yeah, I have a small bit of an idea of where you are coming from, and I agree with you that nurture means so much more than nature, I only have to look at the beautiful, successful woman that my daughter has become to know that!

Date: 2010-02-19 03:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dragonhearth.livejournal.com
Congratulations on being responsible, and choosing. My husband had that done and recovered quite well. I know one person who had it done then went to the movies with a large cup of ice to put in his crotch.

You give so much to the SCA and those around you; there are other ways to be remembered than through your children; your service and work are excellent, and you are a good person. Be well and be gentle with yourself as you heal.

Date: 2010-02-19 03:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] patgund.livejournal.com
I had mine done last August. An amazing lack of discomfort from it, though make sure you pick up a couple supporters to wear for a few weeks.

Best of luck with the proceedure.

Date: 2010-02-19 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-celestia.livejournal.com
Your last sentence says much about the part of you I respect. Congratulations on fulfilling your choice, and if you later in life choose to parent, I believe you will do as well by that child as your Mom and Dad have done by you.

Date: 2010-02-20 12:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doll-paparazzi.livejournal.com
I believe there are so many children that need parents that have been given up by their birth parents (for one reason or another) that it is perfectly reasonable and wonderful to adopt or even foster parent. If you want a child, you should save one of them.

Date: 2010-02-20 04:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gottasing.livejournal.com
My blood family is a walking disaster of disfunction. My friends are my chosen family, and I love them more and know them better than I ever will my blood. I totally hear where you're coming from.

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