Corpus Christi

[cormac]

I heard a very small clip from a gospel song a while back entitled "Have You Tried My Jesus?" It was just the title phrase. "Haaave you triiiied ma Jeeeesuuuus."
Now, not being particularly religious, and definitely not being Christian, I was not exactly sure how to take this question. the first thing that came to mind was "Have you tried my casserole?"

Then I thought: Well, maybe this is a crazy offshoot group with odd beliefs, like the snake handlers, rampant faith healers and people who speak in tongues. Maybe they believe that you can transubstantiate any type of food! Maybe that's why so many churches have a potluck. Who would want to eat a communion wafer when you could have communion pie? It'd be great, like a classic Three Stooges routine. "Corpus Christi." SPLAT! "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk." "Knock it off, you knucklehead, or we'll all get excommunicated."

Man, I could really go for some Jesus pie right now.
Mmmmmmm, Jesus tastes like strawberry.

Comments

[firedrake-mor.livejournal.com]

Three Stooges as the Holy Trinity?

Actually this reminds me of the time I was standing at the corner waiting for a bus (ca. 1984), and someone came up to me and asked "Have you HEARD the word of Ja-HEE-zus?"

I said "Who?"

"Ja-HEE-zus Ca-RIIIIST"

"Never heard of it."

Caught flatfooted, the individual wandered away, seeking some more accepting swine to cast his pearls before.

Then there was a Jewish friend, at the mall, who was asked if she wanted to take a survey. She said "Yes." The first question was "Who is Jesus Christ?" Her answer: "An obscure philosopher of the Roman era who did not hold with the established ideals of the Temple at the time."

They said "Thank you" and sought other suckers.

Then there was a blacksmith of my acquaintance who, having finally had enough of badgering by an individual at work, said "Why would a good pagan blacksmith like me want anything to do with a two-bit, non-union, Jewish carpenter who couldn't get himself un-nailed from his own lumber?!?"

As for Jesus -- is he Kosher?

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

Depends how you kill him.

[cormac.livejournal.com]

I was SO not going to go there. Hehehehehehehe

In that case, no. The (reported) way the Romans killed Jesus would not be considered a kosher method of slaughter. It was sloppy, drawn out, and caused a great deal of undue pain.

Never trust the goyim with your meat.

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

Besides, despite what "they say" about Jews, Jesus did not qualify because he did not have cloven hoofs. Extent documentation is silent on the cud-chewing issue.

[selenesue.livejournal.com]

Unless He counts as a Fish maybe? ICTHYS and all that? No scales though.